A strained voice called out through the
darkened
theater, "Please, is there a doctor in the house?!"
Several men stood up as the lights came on.
An older lady pulled
her daughter to stand next to her,
"Good, are any of you doctors
single and interested in
a date with a good, Jewish girl?"
A police car pulls up in front of grandma
Bessie's house, and
grandpa Morris gets out.
The polite
policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he
was lost in
the park...and couldn't find his way home. " Oy Morris
", said
grandma, " You've been going to that park for over 30 years !
So how
could you get lost ? " Leaning close to grandma, so that the
policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, " I wasn't lost.....I was
just
too tired to walk home."
A ragged individual stranded for several months
on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day
noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it.
Rushing to
the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands
withdrew the
message.
"Due to lack of maintenance," he read,
"we regretfully have found it
necessary to cancel your e-mail
account."
A young accountant, straight out
of uni,
applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Herald. He is
interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from
scratch.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," says the
man, "but
mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for
me."
"How do you mean?" says the accountant.
"I have lots of
things to worry about, but I want someone else to
worry about money
matters."
"OK," says the accountant. "How much are you
offering?"
"You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the
owner.
"Seventy-five thousand dollars. How can a business like this afford
to
pay so much?"
"That," says the man, "is your first
worry."
A mean horseman went into a saddler's shop and
asked for one spur. "One spur?" asked the saddler. "Surely you mean
a
pair of spurs, sir?" "No, just one," replied the horseman. "If I
can
get one side of the horse to go, the other side is bound to
come with
it!"
One day a lady was driving on the
Highway.
She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed
within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror,
much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make
matters worse, the police car turned on his flashing lights. She
thought
to herself, "Uh-oh, what have I done now? I'm not speeding.
I'm not
drinking. I have my seat belt on! I have kept up my license
dues and
everything!"
So, she pulled over and the police car
pulled over to the side right
behind her car. She drove her car
slowly to a stop, slowly rolled down
the window, and prepared for a
ticket when she knew she didn't deserve
it. A policeman walked up to
her window, and spoke to her. The lady
pointed to her ear and shook
her head, meaning she was deaf. The policeman
smiled slightly, and
knowing sign language, signed back, "I know. I'm
here to
tell you that your horn is stuck."
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