1 - Introductory
Chemistry was taught at Duke
University for many years by profess... Read More ›› 2 - Teacher: What is the formula for
water ?
George: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O
Teacher:... Read More ›› 3 - Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put
your hand to your mouth!
Pupil... Read More ›› 4 - Teacher: I wished you would pay a little
attention
Pupil: I'm paying as little... Read More ›› 5 - A mom
and dad were worried about their son
not wanting to learn math at the... Read More ›› 6 - A school teacher injured his back and had to
wear a
plaster cast around the up... Read More ›› 7 - A student called up his Mom one evening from
his college and asked her for som... Read More ›› 8 - Sandy began a
job as an elementary school counselor and
she was eager to help.... Read More ›› 9 - A college business
professor could not help
but notice that one of his student... Read More ›› 10 - A student comes to a young
professor's
office hours. She glances down the hall... Read More ›› 11 - One day our
professor was discussing a
particularly complicated concept. A pre... Read More ›› 12 - A teacher was giving a lesson on the
circulation of the
blood. Trying to make... Read More ›› 13 - A
professor was giving a big test one day
to his students. He handed out all o... Read More ›› 14 - The children had all been photographed, and the
teacher was trying to persuade... Read More ›› 15 - A linguistics professor was lecturing to his
English class one
day. "In Englis... Read More ›› 16 - "If there are any idiots in the room, will they
please stand up"
said the sarc... Read More ›› 17 - A little girl came home from
school and
said to her mother, "Mommy, today in s... Read More ›› 18 - 'Ann!' the teacher shouted one day at the
girl who had been daydreaming out th... Read More ›› 19 - The teacher came up with a good problem.
"Suppose," she asked the second-grade... Read More ›› 20 - The
teacher was giving her pupils a quiz on
counting. Jackie got things
star... Read More ›› 21 - The
teacher was reviewing counting with her
first-grade class. "Jackie,"
she... Read More ›› 22 - Johnny comes back from school crying and says,
"Mommy all the kids in the scho... Read More ›› 23 - The teacher is droning away in the classroom
when he notices a student
sleepin... Read More ›› 24 - A teacher was having
trouble teaching
arithmetic to one little boy. So she sai... Read More ›› 25 - Man: "How's
your history paper
coming?"
Woman: "Well, my history professor... Read More ›› 26 - Teacher: If I gave you three
rabbits today
and five rabbits tomorrow, how many... Read More ›› 27 - "Isn't the principal a
dummy!" said a boy
to a girl.
"Say, do you know who... Read More ›› 28 - School
Principal: I've called you into my
office, Peter, because I want to
t... Read More ›› 29 - Teacher: Is
Lapland heavily
populated?
Class: No, there are not many Lapps to... Read More ›› 30 - The parents were very disappointed in the
grades that their son brought home.... Read More ›› 31 - A little kid's in
school, taking a
true-false test and he's flipping a coin. A... Read More ›› 32 - Principal: Do you do
your homework?
Kid:
Now & Then
Principal: Where do you... Read More ›› 33 - 'I'm not going to school today,' Alexander
said to his mother.
'The teachers b... Read More ›› 34 - Mother: "Why are you home from school so
early?"
Son: "I was the only one who... Read More ›› 35 - "It's clear" said the teacher, "That you
haven't studied your geography. What'... Read More ›› 36 - Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your
ears, do
you have an infection ?... Read More ›› 37 - Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?
Joseph:
Because of a sign down the road.
Te... Read More ›› 38 - Teacher: In what part of the
world are the
people most ignorant ?
Pupil: Hong... Read More ›› 39 - The brain is a wonder ful thing
Why do you
say that ?
Because it starts worki... Read More ›› 40 - Fred: I got 100 in school today.
Mother:
Wonderful. What did you get 100 in?
J... Read More ›› 41 - Dad, can you
help me find the lowest common
denominator in this problem please... Read More ›› 42 - Mother: Did you
enjoy the school outing,
dear ?
Jane: Yes, and we're going ag... Read More ›› 43 - If you had one dollar and you
asked your
father for another, how many dollars... Read More ›› 44 - Teacher:
Can you count to 10?
Fred: Yes,
teacher-one, two, three, four, five,... Read More ›› 45 - "Our teacher has a bad memory. For three days
she asked us how much
is two and... Read More ›› 46 - Jackie stood quietly as her father
examined
her report card.
"What is this 45... Read More ›› 47 - A history joke
Teacher: When was Rome
built?
Pupil: At night.
Teacher: Why di... Read More ›› 48 - If I had
five coconuts and I gave you
three, how many would I have left ?
I d... Read More ›› 49 - Teacher: How much is half of 8?
Pupil: Up
and down or across?
Teacher: What do... Read More ›› 50 - Teacher: I'll call you Fred Smith
then.
Pupil: My dad won't like that.
Teach... Read More ›› 51 - Fred came home from his first day at school.
"Nothing exciting
happened", he t... Read More ›› 52 - Teacher: You copies from
Fred's exam paper
didn't you?
Pupil: How did you kno... Read More ›› 53 - Teacher: How much is half of 8
Pupil: Up and
down or across ?
Teacher: What do... Read More ›› 54 - An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pupil: Some aliens f... Read More ›› 55 - Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another
there, how many eggs will there be?... Read More ›› 56 - Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and
won't be able to come to school t... Read More ›› 57 - Father: How were the
exam
questions?
Son: Easy
Father: Then why look so unha... Read More ›› 58 - Mother: What did you learn in school
today
Son: How to write
Mother: What did... Read More ›› 59 - Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on
the map please ?
Pupil: There it i... Read More ›› 60 - An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pupil: Our furnace s... Read More ›› 61 - Father:
How do you like going to
school?
Son: The going bit is fine, as is th... Read More ›› 62 - Teacher : Give
me a sentence with the words
defence, defeat and detail in it.... Read More ›› 63 - Teacher : Why are you the only child in the
classroom today ?
Pupil : Because... Read More ›› 64 - Teacher : What are you doing,
crawling into
school ten minutes late ?
Pupil :... Read More ›› 65 - Teacher: This is the third
time I've had
to tell you off this week, what have... Read More ›› 66 - Teacher: You seem very well read, have you read
Shakespeare ?
Pupil: No
Tea... Read More ›› 67 - An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your
homework?
Pupil: I didn't do it... Read More ›› 68 - Teacher: If you have five
haystacks in one
corner, five in another and two in... Read More ›› 69 - Mother: How do you
like your new teacher
?
Son: I don't. She told me to sit u... Read More ›› 70 - Teacher: This is the third time I've had to
tell you off this week, what have... Read More ›› 71 - Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of
school
this morning.
Class: H... Read More ›› 72 - An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pupil: I was mugged... Read More ›› 73 - Teacher : Tommy, put some more water in the
fish tank !
Pupil : Why, Miss, I... Read More ›› 74 - How
many schoolteachers does it take to
change a light bulb?
None. Anything n... Read More ›› 75 - Teacher: What's the longest word in the
English
language ?
Pupil: Smiles - be... Read More ›› 76 - Teacher: Why didn't you answer me ?
Pupil:
I did, I shook my head
Teacher: You... Read More ›› 77 - Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I
didn't know where the
Rockies were... Read More ›› 78 - Teacher, I can't solve this problem.
Any
five year old should be able to solve... Read More ›› 79 - Mother: How was your first
day at
school?
Son: It was all right except for so... Read More ›› 80 - Teacher : The word politics - can you give me
an
example of how to use it ?
P... Read More ›› 81 - Teacher: Fred, I'm glad to see your writing
has improved.
Pupil: Thank you
T... Read More ›› 82 - TEACHER: "Can anybody give an
example of
COINCIDENCE?"
JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mothe... Read More ›› 83 - An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pupil: I left it in... Read More ›› 84 - Boy to Friend: I'm sorry, I won't be able to
go out after school. I
promised D... Read More ›› 85 - Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my
questions ?
Pupil: Well if I cou... Read More ›› 86 - Did you hear what
happened when there was
an epidemic of laryngitis at school?... Read More ›› 87 - Bad timing for an excuse Teacher: Why
were
you late?
Pupil: Sorry, teacher, I... Read More ›› 88 - Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my
questions?
Pupil: Well if I coul... Read More ›› 89 - Teacher: That's quite a
cough you have
there, what are you taking for it ?
Pu... Read More ›› 90 - Son: I can't go to school today.
Father:
Why not?
Son: I don't feel well
Tea... Read More ›› 91 - Teacher: "Sam, what is the outside of a
tree called?"
Sam: "I don't know."
T... Read More ›› 92 - Teacher: That's quite a cough you have
there, what are you taking for it?
Pup... Read More ›› 93 - Father: What did the
teacher think of your
idea?
Son: She took it like a lamb... Read More ›› 94 - Teacher: You aren't paying attention to me.
Are you having trouble hearing?
P... Read More ›› 95 - Teacher: Johnny, you know you can't sleep in
my class.
Johnny: I know. But mayb... Read More ›› 96 - Teacher : Can't you retain anything in your
head overnight ?
Pupil : Of cours... Read More ›› 97 - Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is
4+4?
Pupil: That's not fair!
You answer... Read More ›› 98 - Why aren't you doing very well in
history?
Because the teacher keeps asking abo... Read More ›› 99 - Teacher : What are
you reading ?
Pupil :
I dunno !
Teacher : But you're read... Read More ›› 100 - Teacher : If you had five apples on your desk
and the boy next to you
took thr... Read More ›› 101 - Father: Well Son, how are your exam results
?
Son: They're under water
Father:... Read More ›› 102 - Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I
lost it fighting this kid who said yo... Read More ›› 103 - I'm not going back to school ever again
Why
ever not?
The teacher doesn't know... Read More ›› 104 - Teacher : Would you at the
back of the room
stop passing notes.
Pupil : We're... Read More ›› 105 - Great news, teacher says we have a test today
come rain or shine.
So what's so... Read More ›› 106 - Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass
but you've only drawn the cow?... Read More ›› 107 - Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this
test!
Teacher: I agree, but th... Read More ›› 108 - When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it
remind him of an empty classroom... Read More ›› 109 - An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pupil: I loaned it t... Read More ›› 110 - Our teacher
talks to herself does yours
?
Yes, but she does't realise it, she... Read More ›› 111 - Teacher: Give me three reasons
why the
world is round
Pupil: Well my dad says... Read More ›› 112 - Teacher:
Are you good at math ?
Pupil:
Yes and no
Teacher: What do you mean... Read More ›› 113 - "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
"I think
so. What is it you want me to write?... Read More ›› 114 - TEACHER: Jackie, take 932 from 1,439. What is
the difference?
Stella: That's... Read More ›› 115 - How are you doing in arithmetic ?
I've
learned to add up the zeros, but the num... Read More ›› 116 - Pupil: The
art teacher doesn't like what
I'm making ?
Dad: Why is that, what... Read More ›› 117 - Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I
was mugged on the way to school and t... Read More ›› 118 - Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you
to all answer at once. How much... Read More ›› 119 - An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pupil: I put it in a... Read More ›› 120 - Teacher: I'd like to go through one whole day
without having to tell
you off.... Read More ›› 121 - Teacher : In the exam you will be allowed 30
minutes for each question.
Pupil... Read More ›› 122 - Teacher : Why are you
reading the last
pages of your history book first ?
Pup... Read More ›› 123 - Teacher: What is can't short for ?
Pupil:
Cannot miss
Teacher: and what is don... Read More ›› 124 - Teacher: Are you good at math?
Pupil: Yes
and no
Teacher: What do you mean?
P... Read More ›› 125 - Teacher:
Can anyone tell me how many
seconds there are in a year?
Pupil: 12 -... Read More ›› 126 - Teacher: Did your parents help you
with
these homework problems?
Pupil: No I... Read More ›› 127 - Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds
there are in a year ?
Pupil: 12 -... Read More ›› 128 - Teacher: What's big
and yellow and comes
in the morning to brighten a mothers... Read More ›› 129 - How many students does it take to change a
light bulb?
None. Light bulb changin... Read More ›› 130 - Teacher : Billy, please don't whistle while
studying.
Billy : Oh, but I'm not... Read More ›› 131 - Mother: Does your teacher like you ?
Son:
Like me, she loves me. Look at all th... Read More ›› 132 - Art Teacher: The picture of the horse is good,
but where is the wagon ?
Pupil... Read More ›› 133 - Science teacher: What happened when
electricity was first discovered?
Fred:... Read More ›› 134 - I
failed every subject except for
algebra.
How did you keep from failing that... Read More ›› 135 - Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at
Fred's test paper.
Pupil: I hope... Read More ›› 136 - Teacher: What happened to your
homework?
Pupil: I made it into a paper plane... Read More ›› 137 - Teacher: Why does the
statue of liberty
stand in New York harbour ?
Pupil: Be... Read More ›› 138 - Teacher : Tommy you try my patience !
Tommy:
No, teacher you had better try min... Read More ›› 139 - Teacher: This note from your father looks like
your handwriting ?
Pupil: Well,... Read More ›› 140 - Teacher: Why is the Mississippi
such an
unusual river?
Pupil: Because it has... Read More ›› 141 - Father: I hear you skipped school
to play
football
Son: No I didn't, and I ha... Read More ›› 142 - Teacher: Why
does the statue of liberty
stand in New York harbour?
Pupil: Bec... Read More ›› 143 - Mother: What
was the first thing you
learned in class?
Daughter: How to talk... Read More ›› 144 - Fred: I've
added these figures ten times.
Teacher: Good work!
Fred: And he... Read More ›› 145 - Are you in
the top half of your class
?
No, I'm one of the students who make... Read More ›› 146 - Mother: What was the first thing you learned in
class ?
Daughter: How to talk w... Read More ›› 147 - Teacher: What time do you get up in the morning
?
About an hour and a half af... Read More ›› 148 - Teacher: Who can tell me where
Hadrians Wall
is?
Pupil: I expect it's around... Read More ›› 149 - Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I
gave
you?
Son: Well you did say... Read More ›› 150 - Caspar: I was the teacher's pet last
year.
Jaspar: Why was that?
Caspar: She... Read More ›› 151 - Teacher : What is a comet ?
Pupil : A star
with a tail
Teacher: Can you name o... Read More ›› 152 - Teacher : What is the most common phrase used
in school ?
Pupil : I don't kno... Read More ›› 153 - Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest
sentence you can think of
Pupil:... Read More ›› 154 - Did they play tennis in ancient Egypt?
Yes,
the bible tells how Joseph served i... Read More ›› 155 - Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead
Sea?
Pupil: Dead?, I didn't even... Read More ›› 156 - Teacher: Why are you picking your
nose in
class ?
Pupil: My mother won't let... Read More ›› 157 - Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in
Russia ?
Pupil: Holding up the... Read More ›› 158 - What happens if you draw on the blackboard and
the
teacher told you not to?
S... Read More ›› 159 - Father: You were absent on the day of the
test?
Son: No but the boy who sits ne... Read More ›› 160 - Teacher : Make up a sentence using the word
lettuce !
Pupil : Let us out of s... Read More ›› 161 - Teacher: Can you tell me something important
that
didn't exist 100 years ago ?... Read More ›› 162 - An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your
homework?
Pupil: My little si... Read More ›› 163 - Why were you late ?
Sorry, teacher, I
overslept.
You mean you need to sleep at... Read More ›› 164 - Little Monster: I hate my teacher.
Mother
Monster: Well just eat your salad up... Read More ›› 165 - Why do teachers
use a bamboo
cane?
Because when the cane goes 'bam' the child... Read More ›› 166 - Teacher: Why do you want to
work in a bank,
Alan?
Fred: 'Cuz there's money i... Read More ›› 167 - Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a
liquid that won't freeze
?
Pupil: H... Read More ›› 168 - Be sure that you go
straight home after
school
I can't, I live just round the... Read More ›› 169 - Teacher : Were you copying his sums ?
Pupil
: No Sir, just seeing if he got min... Read More ›› 170 - Teacher : What's happens to gold
when it
is exposed to the air ?
Pupil : It's... Read More ›› 171 - Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
Pupil:
4
Teacher: That's good.
Pupil: Good?, that's... Read More ›› 172 - Teacher: What's 2 and 2
Pupil:
4
Teacher: That's good
Pupil: Good ?, that's p... Read More ›› 173 - What do you get when
you add 2 apples to 3
apples? A senior high school math p... Read More ›› 174 - Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in
just
one day ?
Pupil: I get up... Read More ›› 175 - Teacher: Where is the English Channel
?
Pupil: I don't know, my TV doesn't pick... Read More ›› 176 - Teacher: Didn't you hear me call
you?
Pupil: But you said not to answer you b... Read More ›› 177 - Teacher: What can we do to stop polluting
our waters ?
Pupil: Stop taking bat... Read More ›› 178 - What's the worst thing you're likely to
find in the school cafeteria?
The foo... Read More ›› 179 - Teacher: You're new
here aren't you,
what's your name?
Pupil: Fred Mickey Smi... Read More ›› 180 - Teacher: What came after the stone age and the
bronze age?
Pupil: The sausage... Read More ›› 181 - Why was the headmaster
worried?
Because
there were too many rulers in school!... Read More ›› 182 - What's the longest piece of furniture in the
school? The multiplication table.... Read More ›› 183 - Teacher: In music, if "f" means
"forte",
what does "ff" mean ?
Pupil: Eighty... Read More ›› 184 - Q. Why did the jellybean go to
school?
A. Because he wanted to be a smarty... Read More ›› 185 - Did you hear about the cross eyed
teacher?
He couldn't control his pupils!... Read More ›› 186 - Teacher: Didn't you know the
bell had
gone?
Fred: I didn't take it, Miss.... Read More ›› 187 - What did you learn in school today?
Not
enough, I have to go back tomorrow!... Read More ›› 188 - Q: What did one math book say to the
other?
A: Man I got a lot of problems!... Read More ›› 189 - What
do French pupils say after finishing
their school dinners ?
Mercy !... Read More ›› 190 - Teacher: Does anyone know which month has 28
days
?
Pupil: All of them !... Read More ›› 191 - Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't
you?
Pupil: Not very much!... Read More ›› 192 - Teacher: What family does the octopus belong
to?
Pupil: Nobody I know!... Read More ›› 193 - Where did the pilgrims land when they came to
America?
On their feet!... Read More ›› 194 - Why did the teacher
wear
sunglasses?
Because his class was so bright!... Read More ›› 195 - Playing truant from school
is like a credit
card
Fun now, pay later !... Read More ›› 196 - Why did the teacher put the
lights
on?
Because the class was so dim!... Read More ›› 197 - Where did all the cuts and blood come
from?
The school went on a trip!... Read More ›› 198 - What do history teachers make when they want to
get
together?
Dates!... Read More ›› 199 - Teacher: What are
the Great
Plains?
Pupil: 747, Concorde and F-16!... Read More ›› 200 - What's yellow, has wheels and lies on its
back?
A dead school bus!... Read More ›› 201 - My teacher reminds me of
history
She's
always repeating herself!... Read More ›› 202 - Laugh and the class laughs with you.
But you
get detention alone !... Read More ›› 203 - What are you going to be when you get out of
school?
An old man!... Read More ›› 204 - What's black and white all over and
difficult?
An exam paper!... Read More ›› 205 - What was King Arthur's favourite
game?
Knights and crosses!... Read More ›› 206 - Where do children learn their ABC's ?
At
LMN-tary school !... Read More ›› 207 - The food in our school canteen is
perfect.
If your a bug!... Read More ›› 208 - What kind of food do maths teachers
eat?
Square meals!... Read More ›› 209 - How do bees get to
school ?
By school
buzz !... Read More ›› 210 - Teacher: Name two pronouns?
Pupil: Who? me?... Read More ›› |
VOTE!
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