1 - A monster went to the doctor with a branch
growing out of his head.
"Hmmm," said the doctor. "I... More ››
2 - Two teenage boys were
talking in the
classroom. One said, 'I took my girlfriend to see 'The
br... More ››
3 - Little Johnny and
his mother were on a
train. Johnny leant over and started to whisper in
his... More ››
4 - A witch went into a beauty parlor and asked the
assistant how much it would cost to make her loo... More ››
5 - A woman went to a sweet store to buy some
The boy behind the counter said "Gosh, your ug... More ››
6 - Monster: I'm so ugly.
Ghost: It's not
Monster: It is! When my grandfather was born t... More ››
7 - Julie had broken off her
friend asked her what had happened. 'I thought it was l... More ››
8 - First Witch: I went to the beauty parlor
yesterday. I was
there for three hours.
Second Witch:... More ››
9 - A little boy came running into the kitchen.
'Dad, dad' he said, 'there's a monster at the door w... More ››
10 - Mrs Saggy:
Mrs Wrinkly tried to have a
facelift last week.
Mrs Baggy: Tried to?
Mrs Saggy: Y... More ››
11 - Fred keeps telling me that he's going to marry
beautiful girl in the world.
Oh, what... More ››
12 - "My
boyfriend says I look like a dishy
Italian!"said Miss Conceited.
''Then he's right said her... More ››
13 - I can't understand why people say my
girlfriend's legs look like
matchsticks. They do look like... More ››
14 - What is yellow and goes click-click?
Witch: Will I lose my looks as I get... More ››
15 - First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror
my beauty. Do you think that's vanity?... More ››
16 - Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for
your girlfriend improve her appearance ?
Man: It d... More ››
17 - Mary: Do you think my sister's pretty
Gary: Well, let's just say if you pulled her pigtail she'... More ››
18 - What happened when the
witch went for a job
as a TV presenter?
The producer said she had the p... More ››
19 - Fred: What's
that terribly ugly thing on
Harry: Help! What is it?
Fred: Your... More ››
20 - I don't think these photographs
taken do me justice.
You don't want justice - you want m... More ››
21 - I'm not ugly. I could
marry anyone I
But that's the problem - you don't please anyone... More ››
22 - Last night I dreamt I was
dancing with the
most beautiful girl in the world
What was I wearing... More ››
23 - Did you hear
about the witch who did a four
year course in ugliness?
She finished it in two.... More ››
24 - Bill: My sister has lovely
long red hair
all down her back.
Will: Pity it's not on her head.... More ››
25 - Did you hear about the girl monster who wasn't
pretty and wasn't ugly ?
She was pretty ugly... More ››
26 - My Mother uses lemon juice for her complexion.
Maybe that is why she always looks so sour.... More ››
27 - Girlfriend: Will you love me when I'm old and
fat and ugly?
Boyfriend: Of course I do !... More ››
28 - She's the kind of girl that boys look at twice
they can't believe it the first time.... More ››
29 - They say Margaret is a raving beauty.
mean she's escaped from the funny farm?... More ››
30 - First witch: My beauty
Second witch: Yes, it could stop a clock.... More ››
31 - People keep telling me I'm beautiful.
vivid imaginations some people have.... More ››
32 - What did the really ugly man do for a living
He posed for Halloween masks !... More ››
33 - My boyfriend thinks I'm
they do say that love is blind !... More ››
34 - Don't look out of the
people will think it's Halloween.... More ››
35 - Your ugly.
And you're drunk.
Yes, but in
the morning I'll be sober !... More ››
36 - I've just come back from the beauty parlour.
Pity it was closed!... More ››
37 - She's so ugly that when a wasp stings her it
its eyes.... More ››
38 - Who won the Monster Beauty Contest?
one.... More ››
39 - Where is everyone beautiful?
In the dark.... More ››